The first question to ask yourself is:
DO I CHOOSE MY ROMANTIC PARTNERS?
OR DO THEY CHOOSE ME?
To me, it usually feels like WE CHOOSE EACH OTHER!! 𝑅𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡?!
But is that actually true?
Have you ever chosen a partner based, not on how much you like them, but on how much they like you? Or maybe how they make you feel?
In the past, I have almost always chosen the person that likes or loves me the most, above everyone else in my life at that time. And the more they show me their love, the more I love them back. I have chosen the guys that immediately feel like home, the ones that felt like I’ve known through many lifetimes, the ones that feel like we were made from the same cloth, or like we are different versions of the same person. And I’ve chosen the men that are so incredibly beautiful, I can’t believe they actually like me.
𝐵𝑢𝑡, 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝐼 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒?
𝑊𝑎𝑠 𝐼 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚?
These are fabulous things to ask ourselves because it tells us if we are in “PROJECTIONAL LOVE” or “RELATIONAL LOVE”.
“𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞” is essentially mistaking true love for what one could call teaching love. These partners are here to teach us about ourselves, but typically won’t turn into long-term relationships.
“𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞” means loving someone that is different from us. We love the person not for how they make us feel, what they do for us, or for finding a lost part of ourselves. We truly love that person because they are distinctly different from us. This is true love.
The best way to know what kind of love we’ve been in or what kind of love we’re in right now, is to make a list of all the qualities we love about that person.
Go on…make the list. Even if it’s just on your phone.
Yes, I said write 🤪………………………………………………………………………………..
Ok now, look at that list. 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔?
If they are mostly about the other person, then you are probably in Relational Love. BUT if, like me, your lists are mostly about what they do for you, how they treat you, and what they offer you, then you are probably in Projectional Love.
– how you worship me like a GODDESS
– how you make me feel safe, loved, and so special
– how you can always make me laugh
– how you’re always thinking about me
– how you feel like home
– how we always seem so aligned
– how it feel like a force greater than us brought us together
𝑁𝑜𝑤, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝐵𝑈𝑇 𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑊𝐻𝑂 𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑌 𝑇𝑅𝑈𝐿𝑌 𝐴𝑅𝐸, 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑠 𝑤𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑎 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠.
These projectional relationships fall under 4 categories: 𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 & 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐨 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, and 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 (credit Layla Martin).
Get ready!! Next week we will dive into these different 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞…
For any more information about love, sex, or relationships or to inquire about coaching with me, please send me a message!
LOVE LOVE LOVE from beautiful Sayulita, MEXICO