I did. But I just never knew it.
I always felt FULLY available for romantic commitment; always wanting a man who wants all of me, forever. But the thing is, I never ever chose that man to love.
When that type of man came around, who wanted to love me fully and forever, I made him my friend because I didn’t feel any chemistry, or I felt overwhelmed by his uncomplicated feelings for me and had thoughts like, โ๐กโ๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ฆ ๐๐ ๐ค๐๐๐๐, ๐คโ๐ฆ ๐๐๐๐ โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐ข๐โ? ๐น*๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ ๐ โ๐๐ก, ๐ผโ๐ ๐๐ข๐ก.โ Haha.
Hereโs the thing, there is a part of us in our unconscious primal brain, that often equates the unknown with death, and that part of us wants us to repeat the same patterns again and again, because itโs safe, it knows the way, and it thinks we wonโt die if we go that route.
And this explains why my sweet inner child was so suspicious of any man who truly loved me and wanted to be with me for the long-haul. She has never experienced that kind of love and commitment from my Dad, so she didn’t believe it was possible to receive from a partner, regardless of what my higher self knows.ย
To my sweet inner child, a full loving commitment equalled death.
I came up with all types of false stories to explain my many relationships that lasted a year or less. Iโd tell myself that thereโs something wrong with me, that I was broken. I let myself believe that men just never choose me in the end. That when they get to know the real me, they decide that Iโm not good enough. I told myself itโs better to be single.
But I never paid attention to whether the men I was picking to love actually had the ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ to commit to me at that point.ย
I know that I have a pattern of getting into “non-relationship relationships” with partially available guys and hope they picked me to love forever and ever, since thatโs the transformation Iโve always wanted with my Dad. That was obvious to me.ย
What I wasnโt able to see is that underneath the desire to make an unavailable man available, was a deep, deep fear of commitment.ย
I picked men that will never fully commit to me because they actually feel safe.ย
They are what I know.ย
๐๐จ ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ, ๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐จ๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ ๐จ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐๐๐๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ข๐ซ ๐ข๐ง๐ง๐๐ซ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฎ๐ง๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ข๐ฌ๐งโ๐ญ ๐๐๐ญ๐ฎ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ซ๐ฒ, ๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐จ๐ซ๐??ย
The first coaching practice that really worked for me is an embodiment process which allows you to really, truly imagine having the thing that you most want, like reeeeeally step into it, and then work with whatever comes up in your mind/body as resistance or a block.
With each step of connecting with your fears and integrating them with love, you get closer and closer to fully embodying your desire, which is the first step to making your desire a reality.
Truly embodying your deep desire is not always easy. You might feel disgust, nausea, dizziness, pain, and feel like you just want to run away and hide (like me). And thatโs ok. Itโs important to continue to move through it and complete the stress cycle. And each time you practice, we get closer and closer, until one day you are able to fully embody what you want AND feel amazing, empowered, and confident. Like ANYTHING in life is possible.
You might not even recognize yourself, as youโre now effortlessly making different choices, choices that are in alignment with who you TRULY ARE!!!
With love,
Jess