Many times I’ve wondered why I keep choosing to fall in love when it typically brings up so much pain, discomfort, dependency, sadness, emptiness, fear, heartache, loss of focus, anger, anxiety, disgust, unease, loss of self, loss of freedom. You name it, it comes up for me.
It can straight up feel like a form of masochism or an abusive relationship with Love itself, where the good parts are epically good, but the bad is so damn bad, there’s nothing worse in the world. And the deeper the love, the more frightening it can be and usually is.
But I keep returning to it, my higher self keeps choosing it. Because my soul knows this is where I have the work to do in this lifetime.
My inner child has struggled with worthiness her whole life. My Dad loved her until 4 years old and then stopped loving her (in her eyes), so the narrative she tries to hold onto is: available men can love me for a bit, but not too much or for too long. Nothing but short-term love and love with unavailable men is real; she just didn’t feel worthy of more.
I can’t tell you how many times I have self-sabotaged healthy love opportunities with kind, available men because I gave the relationship reins over to my inner child or another part of me that didn’t feel worthy of the love I was receiving. Because what feels the most natural, is to play out the narrative of my unconscious pieces like the inner child!
I believe I let my inner child make all of my relationship decisions for most of my life because I didn’t know how to step into my empowered self and make decisions from that place.
I didn’t know how to step into my inner goddess and use her love to heal my wounds.
All I wanted was to understand and be responsible for my emotions as they came up and be able to hold myself fully. I wanted to step into my higher self and grow more than anything. But, I felt stuck in a repetitive pattern of attracting similar people and situations into my life, over and over again, and nothing really seemed to change.
I felt like I was constantly learning, going to therapy, taking workshops, masterclasses, courses, reading, coaching, and processing with friends, but all I experienced was incremental change over many, many years.
It seemed like I was just learning different forms of the same lessons again and again.
And then everything changed. Over the last year and a half, Layla Martin taught me the tools I actually needed to create lasting transformation in myself and my life in all the ways I desired.
I changed my repetitive patterns, vastly increased my self-love and worthiness, worked on my commitment issues, and healed so much of my inner child that I attracted the most epic partnership into my life.
Well, the 30+ hours of coaching I received from my amazing VITA sisters didn’t hurt either!!
Now, when my resistance (to receiving so much love) surfaces, I have the tools to respond to it in really healthy ways: I allow all of my feelings, no matter what kind they are. I do not judge them or criticize myself for them.
And I do not allow them to mean anything about my partner or our connection. I allow them to be what they are, signs that I should practice breathing worthiness in through my pussy. Haha. And I let this resistance pass through me in whatever way feels right.
And then, I choose love. No matter what, I choose love. I choose love again and again. I choose to love myself. I choose to love my partner. I choose to love the present moment and everything it has to offer. I choose gratitude, I choose to trust in divine timing and divine power. I choose growth and learning. I choose love.
And WOW!!! I up-leveled to a new world where I feel so proud of myself and work that I’m doing. Where I show up for my partner as my best self and I’m finally the partner I’ve always wanted to be. Plus, my partner blows my mind with awesome every day.
To learn how to break out of your own repetitive patterns and up-level in life & love until you attract a partnership beyond your wildest dreams, message me anytime
Divine Empowerment & Self-Love Coaching is my most favorite thing to spend my time doing. It brings me so much joy to help those around me in deep ways that truly matter. And I couldn’t be more proud and impressed by all of my current clients and the work that they’re doing to become their truest selves and attract what they want into their lives!!! What a blessing to be a part of their journey and to be able to share my journey with all of you.
With tons of love and light,